Blatherings

I really must stop averring that I am "my own worst critic". Sheesh! Lately, I seem to be beating that phrase to death. Maybe I like the way it sounds; I don't know. It's become an annoying habit and I must stop it at once. Add that to the growing list of so many things I should and shouldn't be doing. Does this mindful list ever end? I'm going to be 55 years old this summer and I'm sorry to admit that I don't feel that I'm perfect...not yet. I suppose there's still hope; I'm young enough yet.

On the job front, I have my official interview this coming Thursday afternoon with my supervisor. I have to laugh. This strikes me as an unnecessary evil but one must bow to the bureaucracy of how things are done in a corporate setting. Alas, yes, this great place for seniors in which I work is, in the final analysis, a corporate business and run accordingly. Since my return to work, the job has been especially grueling but I discovered a few truths. When I made ready to depart on my last day, I thought to myself this would be a bit of a test for me and the residents. During my absence they'd think either "Whew, thank goodness she's gone" or "where's Meredith? Where has she gone?" I was pleased to discover that my absence was noticed and I was missed. In a community of 300 plus residents this counts for a lot.

I want this to be over and done with. Is she is or is she ain't....worth installing into this now open position on a permanent basis? I don't think it's so much that I'm dying to have this job but rather than I'd like to know it's mine and can move forward to fashion it to my way of doing things. We all have our own systems of doing things; I've been working under our receptionist's way of doing everything with the understanding that she would return. One does not rock this boat when in a temporary, albeit lasting for almost half a year, position. I want to move on, know that this job is mine and expand on this. Yes, I never cease to amaze myself which is why I'm one of my best fans. I see this as an excellent opportunity, an advancement and, at this point in my life, a quite wonderful come-full-circle position to enjoy and serve the older generation in such a way that will probably be the last job of my work-related life. I do so hope!! Oh please, Lord, don't let me end up having to be a "greeter" at Walmart or some such job in some other Godforsaken like place. I think I'd rather die. No, I don't think...I would. But, I digress. Such is my usual fashion, my normal state. Some things I cannot, will not change. Why? This is my journal and I don't have to.

We'll see what tomorrow brings, eh?