Hoops and Rings

Lately I've been thinking of myself as a one-woman version of Ringling Brothers' Barnum and Bailey Circus. I've certainly been going through lots of hoops and rings of fire. "Ah", several folks observed, "I see you're taking some time off between jobs. Yet another vacation, Meredith"? Well, the opportunity of time was there but the reality is that I've had to do and rush around more this past week than I have had to do in many a month. Securing this new job ten years later than my last go around has been little short of exhausting.

After my initial phone and in-person offering of this new position, I was assigned many tasks. I had to make an appointment to be fingerprinted. No problem; I knew perfectly well I'm no felon and there's nothing to worry about here. Next; had to make an appointment for a TB test, physical and drug test. Hmmm. Drug test. Hmmm. Believe it or not, in all my years of employment since 1972, I've never had to take a drug test. I'm hardly a heavy-duty drug user but damnation! along comes this prerequisition right on the heels of my vacation. Gee, ya think I might've indulged in a little something during those carefree days of hedonistic pleasure? Only takes one time to inhale a little weed to contaminate one's system for one freakin' month!! I didn't even look at the stuff from the moment I received that first phone call from my prospective employer upon my return and immediately began to drink copious amounts of water. Lots. And then some. This is not a small task for me; I am not a water drinker. Lots of water, lots of cranberry juice and the wisdom to schedule the physical/drug test at the latest date possible. More water and more cranberry juice. Just call me old sloshy!

And so, I drove down the dreaded freeway to get my fingerprints. I drove down the dreaded freeway again to have my physical, TB test and drug test. I drove down the dreaded freeway yet again so some young lady could glance at my left arm for a fraction of a second to note that I didn't have any reaction to the TB test. Well, duh, I could've phoned the place and reported such and saved myself a fractious trip (and gas) but it was not to be. A few days down the line, I got a call from my prospective employer telling me the place where I went for my physical "has no record of my being there"! Excuse me? Am I going to have to go through that experience again? I think not. I got on the phone like quicksilver and said, "what the hey?". Oh, a minor mixup between your papers and someone else's. (Like this is comforting news, right?). Your file is on doctor's desk ready to be cleared. Okay. I once again began to breathe normally and decided to wait until the next day to see what would happen.

Coincidentialy, added to this mix was the fact that I had to renew my driver's license at this same time. I had been receiving renewals by mail from the DMV for years. This is the reward one receives when one never gets a ticket and maintains a stellar driving record. But how long will this continue until they might want to actually see the human being behind the license number? I received my first California driver's license in November of 1976. Sometime in between then and now I had to haul myself down to the DMV to have my picture retaken. The license issued on that visit was good until my birthday in 2005. I remember thinking that was an eternity away. Guess what? The eternity ended and my next renewal form demanded my presence, a vision test and a thumb print. Of course I made the appointment to visit the DMV on my relaxing week off between jobs. Here goes another trip down the dreaded freeway! Happy Birthday to me. Amazing to think that I've lived in California for almost 29 years and I've only had to show up at the DMV for a picture three times. Not that I'm complaining but methinks there's something wrong with this picture.

And on the next day, I was out and about doing this and that (mainly my DMV visit) and arrived home midday to see the messages on the answering machine blinking wildly. A good sign. And there it was; the message I'd been holding my subconscious breath for; the message from the woman who sought me out and offered me a new opportunity telling me that I had cleared all the hurdles and I was to report for work on Wednesday, August 17th at 8am. All right!! Then, would I please drop off the kazillion papers I had to read, sign and date on Friday or at the latest, Monday? Oh sure, why not. What's another trip down the dreaded freeway at this point? I was planning to go clothes shopping with my son for the new school year so I could certainly incorporate this little detour into my day. Besides, here was a great opportunity to share with him my new place of employment. I logged five trips down the highway in my supposed relaxing week between jobs. You have to understand that I have not driven on this freeway to the city where these businesses are for so long that I can't tell you when I last did. I've avoided doing so like the plague but God works in mysterious ways and in his ultimate wisdom presented these tests and hurdles for me to pass. I've yet to experience the commute in the morning rush-hour but I'm a smart enough cookie to leave in plenty of time and pack along a good book to read while I sit in the parking lot of my new workplace, waiting for my day to begin.